This humorous Substack post addresses a question we all have to face: what to say in a foreign country. Such as “Help me…” With a twist, of course. Because the FloxMonster™ is somewhat of a smartass.
~FloxMonster™, July 18, 2026
“I’m sorry, please help me.” With a twist.
We’ve all been there. Those awkward moments when you really need some help… but no one around you speaks English. It might happen on the internet, or when visiting other countries. You want to communicate, but you don’t know how.
To make things worse, you live in a country that the entire world thinks is Satan. Yeah, we’ve all been there. I know.
Don’t worry! I got this. Here are some useful phrases you can use.
English
I’m sorry my government is stupid. Could you please help me?
Chinese
我很遺憾我的政府如此愚蠢。您能幫幫我嗎？
Wǒ hěn yíhàn wǒ de zhèngfǔ rúcǐ yúchǔn. Nín néng bāng bāng wǒ ma?
Spanish
Lamento que mi gobierno sea estúpido. ¿Podrías ayudarme por favor?
Arabic
أنا آسف لأن حكومتي غبية. هل يمكنك مساعدتي من فضلك؟
‘Ana asf li’ana hukumati ghabiatan. hal yumkinuk musaeadati min fadlika?
Malay
Maafkan saya kerana kerajaan saya bodoh. Bolehkah anda membantu saya?
Portuguese (BR) ← from Brazil
Desculpe, meu governo é estúpido. Você poderia me ajudar, por favor?
French
Je suis désolé que mon gouvernement soit stupide. Pourriez-vous m’aider, s’il vous plaît ?
Japanese
私の政府が愚かで申し訳ありません。どうか助けていただけませんか？
Watashi no seifu ga orokade mōshiwake arimasen. Dō ka tasukete itadakemasen ka?
Russian
Мне жаль, что мое правительство такое глупое. Не могли бы вы мне помочь?
Mne zhal’, chto moye pravitel’stvo takoye glupoye. Ne mogli by vy mne pomoch’?
German
Es tut mir leid, dass meine Regierung dumm ist. Könnten Sie mir bitte helfen?
Latin (just in case you time-travel)
Doleo quod regimen meum stultum est. Potesne mihi auxilium ferre?
According to (some random translation site, which spams with popup ads) the 10 top-used languages on the internet are: English, Chinese, Spanish, Arabic, Malay, Portuguese, French, Japanese, Russian, and German. So those are covered above. If you’d like to add more, please do so! 😀
This entry is human-generated content, with the help of AI translators. I don’t speak Arabic or Malay, and my Russian and Mandarin are weak. So if these are wrong, please feel free to correct them in the comments! Thank you. 🙂
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