Tag: languages

Useful Foreign Phrases! Help Me…
This humorous Substack post addresses a question we all have to face: what to say in a foreign country. Such as “Help me…” With a twist, of course. Because the FloxMonster™ is somewhat of a smartass.
~FloxMonster™, July 18, 2026

“I’m sorry, please help me.” With a twist.

We’ve all been there. Those awkward moments when you really need some help… but no one around you speaks English. It might happen on the internet, or when visiting other countries. You want to communicate, but you don’t know how.

To make things worse, you live in a country that the entire world thinks is Satan. Yeah, we’ve all been there. I know.

Don’t worry! I got this. Here are some useful phrases you can use.

English

I’m sorry my government is stupid. Could you please help me?

Chinese

我很遺憾我的政府如此愚蠢。您能幫幫我嗎？
Wǒ hěn yíhàn wǒ de zhèngfǔ rúcǐ yúchǔn. Nín néng bāng bāng wǒ ma?

Spanish

Lamento que mi gobierno sea estúpido. ¿Podrías ayudarme por favor?

Arabic

أنا آسف لأن حكومتي غبية. هل يمكنك مساعدتي من فضلك؟
‘Ana asf li’ana hukumati ghabiatan. hal yumkinuk musaeadati min fadlika?

Malay

Maafkan saya kerana kerajaan saya bodoh. Bolehkah anda membantu saya?

Portuguese (BR) ← from Brazil

Desculpe, meu governo é estúpido. Você poderia me ajudar, por favor?

French

Je suis désolé que mon gouvernement soit stupide. Pourriez-vous m’aider, s’il vous plaît ?

Japanese

私の政府が愚かで申し訳ありません。どうか助けていただけませんか？
Watashi no seifu ga orokade mōshiwake arimasen. Dō ka tasukete itadakemasen ka?

Russian

Мне жаль, что мое правительство такое глупое. Не могли бы вы мне помочь?
Mne zhal’, chto moye pravitel’stvo takoye glupoye. Ne mogli by vy mne pomoch’?

German

Es tut mir leid, dass meine Regierung dumm ist. Könnten Sie mir bitte helfen?

Latin (just in case you time-travel)

Doleo quod regimen meum stultum est. Potesne mihi auxilium ferre?

Photo by Andy Feliciotti on Unsplash

According to (some random translation site, which spams with popup ads) the 10 top-used languages on the internet are: English, Chinese, Spanish, Arabic, Malay, Portuguese, French, Japanese, Russian, and German. So those are covered above. If you’d like to add more, please do so! 😀

This entry is human-generated content, with the help of AI translators. I don’t speak Arabic or Malay, and my Russian and Mandarin are weak. So if these are wrong, please feel free to correct them in the comments! Thank you. 🙂
January 27, 2026
Running Errands… In Javascript
This post, originally placed in Substack, is written in Javascript. If you know that code you can read it. If not, just scroll down; there’s a translation to English below.
~FloxMonster™, July 18, 2026

Translation of Real Life into Code.
```
if (!milk) {

  try {

    GoToStore('7-11');

  }

  catch (anxiety) {

    console.error(anxiety);

  }

}

function GoToStore(store) {

  let findthis = store.search('milk');

  if (findthis) {return;}

  else { window.alert('NO MILK!'); } return; 

}
```
Rough Translation to English:

When there is no milk,

Try going to store (specifically the 7-11 store).

If you have an error (an anxiety attack) take note of it.

When you get to the store, search for milk in the store’s contents (ie, shelves).

If you find it – great! You’re done.

If not, shout there is no milk!

Then you’re done.

🦊

PS. – This entry is 100% human-written. But I did run it through a lint to make sure it parsed correctly. 😛

Convenience Store in Code

Have Fun! 🙂

©2026 Wyvern Dryke – All Rights Reserved.
Do not “borrow”, do not scrape for AI. I bite.
January 16, 2026
How to Curse like a Dark Academic.
This article (from Substack) I did utterly for fun. It takes a naughty word that most dictionaries don’t use and converts it to multiple languages.
~FloxMonster™, July 18, 2026

Shit. In Multiple Languages.

Today I present to you…

SHIT. In multiple languages.

Because why not. Screw it. Everyone should be multilingual… and face it, if I were to list “dog” or “pencil,” no one would remember a bit.

So SHIT.
- shit /shit/ – English
- Scheiße (Sheisse) /SHY-suh/ – German
- merde /MAIRD/ – French
- mierda /mee-AIR-duh/ – Spanish
- cacas /KAH-kuhs/ – Latin
- σκατά (skata) /SKAH-tah/ – modern Greek
- σκῶρ (skor) /skor/ –or- σκατος (skatos) /SKAH-tohs/ – Ancient Greek
- shed /shed/ – Ancient Sumerian
Please feel free to add corrections and additions in the comments. 🙂

P.S. – This entry is 100% human-written. If you want more languages, I must involve AI. 😛

Have Fun 🙂

Poop! Photo by Sincerely Media on Unsplash
January 15, 2026