FloxMonster™

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Category: Silly

  • Adulty Funtimes … in Python!

    Adulty Funtimes … in Python!

    Here’s another humorous post (imported from Substack) that’s written in code – this time, Python. If you can’t read Python code, don’t worry because there’s an English interpretation below. Enjoy!
    ~FloxMonster™, July 18, 2026

    How the Real Nerds Date 😛

    Look, ma! I’ve been teaching myself Python!

    Adult Funtimes Translated to Code.

    def adulty_times(partner):

    try:

        print(f”{partner}, baby, you look so hot tonight!”)

        import sexy_lines.json

        arousal+=5

    except ImportError:

        print(”Do you come here often?”)

    except NameError:

        print(”I swear this has never happened before...”)

    else:

        print(f”My hard drive is ready for you, {partner}!”)

    finally:

        print(f”That was great, {partner}. Zzzz....”)

    Rough translation to English:


    (First, you load the definition with a name, for example, “Jill.”)

    First try saying, “Jill, baby, you look so hot tonight!”)
    Then pull up a file of sexy lines to say.
    Then get more aroused.

    If you can’t find the lines, fall back on a horrible one: “Do you come here often?”

    If the arousal isn’t found, give a lame excuse: “I swear this has never happened before…”

    But if all goes well, say: “My hard drive is ready for you, Jill!”

    When you’re done, say: “That was great, Jill. Zzz….” (Fall asleep.)

    python dating code

    This post was 100% human written. And 100% nerd-approved. Enjoy! <3

    ©️2026 Wyvern Dryke – All Rights Reserved.
  • Useful Foreign Phrases! Help Me…

    Useful Foreign Phrases! Help Me…

    This humorous Substack post addresses a question we all have to face: what to say in a foreign country. Such as “Help me…” With a twist, of course. Because the FloxMonster™ is somewhat of a smartass.
    ~FloxMonster™, July 18, 2026

    “I’m sorry, please help me.” With a twist.

    We’ve all been there. Those awkward moments when you really need some help… but no one around you speaks English. It might happen on the internet, or when visiting other countries. You want to communicate, but you don’t know how.

    To make things worse, you live in a country that the entire world thinks is Satan. Yeah, we’ve all been there. I know.

    Don’t worry! I got this. Here are some useful phrases you can use.

    English

    I’m sorry my government is stupid. Could you please help me?

    Chinese

    我很遺憾我的政府如此愚蠢。您能幫幫我嗎？
    Wǒ hěn yíhàn wǒ de zhèngfǔ rúcǐ yúchǔn. Nín néng bāng bāng wǒ ma?

    Spanish

    Lamento que mi gobierno sea estúpido. ¿Podrías ayudarme por favor?

    Arabic

    أنا آسف لأن حكومتي غبية. هل يمكنك مساعدتي من فضلك؟
    ‘Ana asf li’ana hukumati ghabiatan. hal yumkinuk musaeadati min fadlika?

    Malay

    Maafkan saya kerana kerajaan saya bodoh. Bolehkah anda membantu saya?

    Portuguese (BR) ← from Brazil

    Desculpe, meu governo é estúpido. Você poderia me ajudar, por favor?

    French

    Je suis désolé que mon gouvernement soit stupide. Pourriez-vous m’aider, s’il vous plaît ?

    Japanese

    私の政府が愚かで申し訳ありません。どうか助けていただけませんか？
    Watashi no seifu ga orokade mōshiwake arimasen. Dō ka tasukete itadakemasen ka?

    Russian

    Мне жаль, что мое правительство такое глупое. Не могли бы вы мне помочь?
    Mne zhal’, chto moye pravitel’stvo takoye glupoye. Ne mogli by vy mne pomoch’?

    German

    Es tut mir leid, dass meine Regierung dumm ist. Könnten Sie mir bitte helfen?

    Latin (just in case you time-travel)

    Doleo quod regimen meum stultum est. Potesne mihi auxilium ferre?

    Foreign Phrases like Help Me My Government is Stupid
    Photo by Andy Feliciotti on Unsplash

    According to (some random translation site, which spams with popup ads) the 10 top-used languages on the internet are: English, Chinese, Spanish, Arabic, Malay, Portuguese, French, Japanese, Russian, and German. So those are covered above. If you’d like to add more, please do so! 😀

    This entry is human-generated content, with the help of AI translators. I don’t speak Arabic or Malay, and my Russian and Mandarin are weak. So if these are wrong, please feel free to correct them in the comments! Thank you. 🙂

  • Ponderings of Toast and Cat Gravity

    Ponderings of Toast and Cat Gravity

    This is a very silly mini-article from Substack. It asks one of those long-asked questions, regarding the buttered side of toast and gravity! Then adds a fun picture for illustration.
    ~FloxMonster™, July 18, 2026

    If toast always lands buttered-side down, and cats always land feet-down…
    What would happen if you tied buttered toast to a cat?

    Toast and Cat Gravity
    Buttered Toast tied to a Cat.

    Somewhere, Schrödinger is scratching his head.

  • Running Errands… In Javascript

    Running Errands… In Javascript

    This post, originally placed in Substack, is written in Javascript. If you know that code you can read it. If not, just scroll down; there’s a translation to English below.
    ~FloxMonster™, July 18, 2026

    Translation of Real Life into Code.

    if (!milk) {

  try {

    GoToStore('7-11');

  }

  catch (anxiety) {

    console.error(anxiety);

  }

}

function GoToStore(store) {

  let findthis = store.search('milk');

  if (findthis) {return;}

  else { window.alert('NO MILK!'); } return; 

}

    Rough Translation to English:

    When there is no milk,

    Try going to store (specifically the 7-11 store).

    If you have an error (an anxiety attack) take note of it.

    When you get to the store, search for milk in the store’s contents (ie, shelves).

    If you find it – great! You’re done.

    If not, shout there is no milk!

    Then you’re done.

    🦊

    PS. – This entry is 100% human-written. But I did run it through a lint to make sure it parsed correctly. 😛

    Javascript Convenience Store

    Convenience Store in Code

    Have Fun! 🙂

    ©2026 Wyvern Dryke – All Rights Reserved.
    Do not “borrow”, do not scrape for AI. I bite.
  • How to Curse like a Dark Academic.

    How to Curse like a Dark Academic.

    This article (from Substack) I did utterly for fun. It takes a naughty word that most dictionaries don’t use and converts it to multiple languages.
    ~FloxMonster™, July 18, 2026

    Shit. In Multiple Languages.

    Today I present to you…

    SHIT. In multiple languages.

    Because why not. Screw it. Everyone should be multilingual… and face it, if I were to list “dog” or “pencil,” no one would remember a bit.

    So SHIT.

    • shit /shit/ – English

    • Scheiße (Sheisse) /SHY-suh/ – German

    • merde /MAIRD/ – French

    • mierda /mee-AIR-duh/ – Spanish

    • cacas /KAH-kuhs/ – Latin

    • σκατά (skata) /SKAH-tah/ – modern Greek

    • σκῶρ (skor) /skor/ –or- σκατος (skatos) /SKAH-tohs/ – Ancient Greek

    • shed /shed/ – Ancient Sumerian

    Please feel free to add corrections and additions in the comments. 🙂

    P.S. – This entry is 100% human-written. If you want more languages, I must involve AI. 😛

    Have Fun 🙂

    woman holding poop case
    Poop! Photo by Sincerely Media on Unsplash
  • 10 o'Clock Coffee

    10 o'Clock Coffee

    Hamlet-tastic Style

    To Caffeine, or Not Caffeine,

    That is the question.

    Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind

    To hobble to the potty at 4am,

    Or dither in the happenstance of

    Snoring nonproduction.

    Verily. Verily so!

    Hamlet Coffee
    Hamlet holding a cup of coffee. Shakespeare vibe.
    ©2026 Wyvern Dryke – All Rights Reserved.
    Do not “borrow,” do not scrape for AI. I bite.