Category: Anxiety/Depression

  • The Backpack Theory – Secret Trauma in Chronic Disease.

    The Backpack Theory – Secret Trauma in Chronic Disease.

    The Backpack Theory - chronic illness, anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, cancer, lupus, etc.

    So What’s it Like Having Anxiety?

    A friend of mine asked recently what living with panic and anxiety is like. I described it as a sort of hidden weight, which develops gradually into a quiet trauma. Because I have lived with my condition since the mid 1990s, I am unfortunately quite familiar with the concept.

    After I gave my friend the answer, though, I realized… it could apply to any chronic condition, such as fibromyalgia, cancer, depression, rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, and so on. They all share the same hidden burden.

    So here’s what I told my friend. I nicknamed it, “The Backpack Theory”.

    You Asked Me to Describe Anxiety and Panic.

    I will try. Having chronic anxiety, or an anxiety disorder, is like carrying an invisible backpack full of enormous books. It weighs you down, and everyone can see you are struggling beneath the weight. Except no one can see the actual backpack. So they stare and wonder why you are trembling, faltering, looking so strained.

    Some days the backpack has just a few books. Other days, it feels like the whole damn library. But you still must carry it; the backpack is strapped to you, like it or not. So you forge onward, staggering beneath its weight, because you simply have no choice.

    Some days you feel utterly overwhelmed. You say to yourself, “I wish I were dead, I cannot handle this backpack, it is killing me.” And that is when you become desperate and a little bit crazy. You start thinking about hurting yourself, or perhaps doing drugs, or drinking. Personally, I don’t do drugs or drink, but many people do.

    When that happened to me, several years ago, I said this has to stop. I’ve had enough. So I made a vow to myself that I would seek treatment, and stick with it, no matter what. Because I realized, after going through this misery for so many years, that I deserved to feel better. I deserved to get these damn books off my back. … At least a few of them, anyway.

    I still carry that backpack, but it’s lighter now that I’m getting help.

    So that’s what it’s like.

    Spread Awareness and Understanding

    I’m posting my experience here with the hope of spreading awareness and understanding. Anxiety, depression, and other chronic conditions have a devastating and often invisible cost: a lasting and usually-unacknowledged trauma.

    Contributing Factors

    Part of the problem is, most doctors are trained to treat the outward symptoms of disease, but not the emotional burden. Therefore, they neglect to notice (or simply cannot treat) the grinding, day-to-day weight of the disease itself. I don’t mean the physical symptoms, but the collateral damage: feeling too tired to go outside, being unable to enjoy holiday gatherings, missing your friends, hurting all the time, not getting enough sleep, and so on. These costs add up over time to create a significant loss to quality of life. That is the burden I mean.

    This burden goes unaddressed, and thus deepens over time. The person with the chronic disease gradually comes to the realization (correct or not) that they will forever be saddled with this burden… and no one can help them. That is how it develops into trauma.

    There is a second contributing factor to this trauma: the stigma baked into Western society. For centuries, we have all been conditioned not to discuss mental illness–or as I prefer to call it, mental wellness. For a very long time, the topic has been taboo. People with psychiatric or emotional imbalances have been viewed as a family shame, locked away, or even accused of demonic possession. That sort of social stigma is as ridiculous as it is outrageous.

    Mental Illness is Real Illness.

    Because remember, mental wellness depends on very real, physical conditions… just like any illness. It happens because brain structure begins to change and chemical levels shift, in response to environmental and internal factors. Dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine, and other neurotransmitters are affected, changing the way our brains respond to the world around us. I am oversimplifying it for the sake of brevity, but you can read more at the links behind this asterisk.*

    As intelligent human beings, we absolutely must discuss this topic with empathy, rather than stigmatize or shame the patient. Would such a thing happen to someone suffering a fever, due to a flu? Of course not. So why does it happen often to someone suffering trauma or depression, due to a different illness? What nonsense. Our society needs to wake up and embrace a modern view of mental wellness.

    Our Perspective

    We who live with these chronic conditions carry not just the illness, but the additional burden of an unrelenting pressure: we are not well, and we do not feel well. We are always uncomfortable. Other people go about their daily lives with adequate energy, a positive mindset, and a body that feels okay. We have none of that. We are always exhausted. We are frequently scared, sad, frustrated, worried, or hopeless. And our bodies? Let’s not even go there.

    Now, I say this not for pity, but for perspective. I wish to convey the situation so that others might understand. It’s important to perceive, and to acknowledge, the trauma of always being sick which weighs on top of the original illness.

    You’re Not Alone!

    So let us turn to brighter themes. If you have a chronic condition, please hang in there! You are not alone. Others are just like you, and they understand what you are going through. If you are in need, reach out and talk to someone. Try friends, family, support groups, therapists. You can also contact the (United States) nationwide 988 Crisis Line: call or text “988” with your phone, or visit the 988 website to chat for free support.

    Also, if you know someone with a chronic condition, take a moment to go talk to them, or maybe even hug them. It is very important that they feel seen and heard. They might not even acknowledge the “invisible backpack” that they’re carrying… but it’s weighing them down, regardless.

    Let’s share some compassion and love.
    We are all in this life together. <3

    * – I typed the neurotransmitter info from my own knowledge, but here are some sources you can use for verification and more research:

    Flarey, Dominick. “The Impact of Neurotransmitters on Mental Health,” American Institute of Healthcare Professionals, Jan 26, 2024. https://aihcp.net/2024/01/26/neurotransmitters-and-mental-health/

    Hartman, Christine, Ph.D. “The 4 Neurotransmitters that are Crucial to Mental Health,” The Rogue Scientist, Aug, 1, 2021, https://roguescientist.co/the-4-neurotransmitters-that-are-crucial-to-mental-health/

    Anxiety, Trauma, Chronic Disease - The hidden costs. FloxMonster(TM)
  • How To Fight for Your Life – Deal with Depression/Anxiety

    How To Fight for Your Life – Deal with Depression/Anxiety

    Sometimes we all have to cope with extra stress, especially when dealing with anxiety and/or depression. This entry is about all that struggle, not just as it occurs in regular life, but specifically when it comes as part of the pain related to emotional/mental illness. (I tend to use these terms interchangeably, when it comes to anxiety and depression.)

    In my previous entries, I discussed how Depression and Anxiety are real diseases which adversely affect a huge percentage of Americans. I also urged us together to fight our social stigmas and reject our resistance to get help. As a society, we all need to discuss mental illness openly and without judgment.

    "NO Depression/Anxiety! Coping Techniques" Copyright 2022 A.M. Coy - All Rights Reserved.
    “NO Depression/Anxiety!”
    ©2022 A.M. Coy – All Rights Reserved.

    Meanwhile, as our society gets over itself–and modern doctors search for a cure–we need to deal with these diseases as best we can. Let’s put up a good fight! And that means using every tool we can.

    Coping Techniques

    To that end, here are some suggestions to deal with the stress and pain of anxiety and depression. This is my personal list. If you have any you’d like to share, please “Comment” below this entry and add your own!

    • Do calming things such as: listen to music, meditate, exercise, do yoga, go for a walk, read, or draw.
    • Express anger in healthy ways like: rip up paper, scream into pillows, draw your enemies and splatter with paint, sing REALLY loud, or run very fast!
    • Make soothing tea or hot cocoa. (Studies show chocolate can boost endorphins in the brain1.)
    • Get hugs from family & friends. (Maybe not strangers. >.>” )
    • Get counseling. (From certified professionals, not Joe on the Corner. See above.)
    • Sit or nap in the sun for a while. (Cats do it! look how chill they are.)
    • Chat with friends.
    • Take your prescribed medication (if applicable) EVERY day.
    • Note: please do not self-medicate–drugs & alcohol tend to have bad rebound effects!

    #1 Tip – Hold On!

    The #1 tip is just to HOLD ON. The worst pain of depression and anxiety passes relatively quickly. If you can just HOLD ON, things will look different, soon.

    … Don’t look at me like that! Yes, I do know what I’m talking about. I’ve been there. Even in my darkest days, my most terrible thoughts would pass in a few hours. I would wake up going, “why did I want to do that? It’s not that bad. Life still sucks, but look, here’s ice cream!” So just try to focus on the little, good things to keep you going day by day… or hour by hour, if you need to!

    And remember… if things get too tough – Dial 988 and talk to an emergency crisis counselor!

    ♥ FloxMonster™

    FloxMonster™ ©2022 A.M.Coy - All Rights Reserved. You may not use this image.
    FloxMonster™ ©2022 A.M.Coy – All Rights Reserved. You may not use this image.

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  • Here’s the Truth About Depression/Anxiety: Real Diseases!

    Here’s the Truth About Depression/Anxiety: Real Diseases!

    Here’s something Americans do not discuss enough: mental illness, like depression and anxiety. Therefore, I am going to talk about it, and I am also going to do so VERY LOUDLY, because I spent so many years being quiet, and that cost me a great deal of time and pain. I want to spare others from that. So here we go!

    If you are suffering for more than a few days from strong emotions like pain, anger, sadness, hopelessness, worry, fear, or anything else you cannot control, you may be experiencing a real disease. You may also be a teenager. It is not your imagination. And it is not something for which you should be judged, nor judge yourself!

    Mental illness is a real condition–a real disease–with physical causes like chemical imbalances in your brain. Yes! Anxiety and depression are diseases, just like diabetes.

    Wanted_Serotonin_for_being_low Copyright©2022 A.M. Coy - All Rights Reserved
    Wanted: Serotonin. For Being Low.
    Copyright ©2022 A.M. Coy – All Rights Reserved.




    What Are Depression and Anxiety?

    Okay, before we begin, let’s do some quick definitions. There’s a difference between “being sad” and “being depressed.” Also, you can feel some “pre-work jitters” and not have an “anxiety disorder.”

    It is perfectly normal for every human being to feel strong emotions like sadness, fear, anger, etc. from time to time. In contrast, the terms “depression” and “anxiety disorder” come into play when you experience these strong emotions (or complete lack thereof!) for more than a few days… especially if they are adversely affecting your life, and/or you are unable to overcome the emotions in order to resume your normal state of being.

    (No, I do not have a source for that definition. That is Floxmonster™’s Rule-of-Paw. And no, I am not a doctor, so if you do feel any of the above, I urge you absolutely to seek out a medical professional! It never hurts to ask, “Hey, do you think I’m depressed?”)

    Anxiety and Depression Discussion

    In this entry, I am discussing primarily depression and anxiety, because a.) I know them best, and b.) they are so widespread. You will also see that I lump “anxiety” and “depression” into the same handbasket. That is because, in many cases, they appear to have the same physical causes (more on that below), and they frequently “co-occur” (meaning that the same person has both).

    You Can Pick Your Friends but Not Your Family

    Moreover, In the same family with anxiety and depression, there are examples such as: PTSD (a.k.a. “Post Traumatic Stress Injury”), panic disorder (similar but stronger than anxiety), postpartum disorders (which typically appear after giving birth), and “suicidal ideation” (meaning you think about killing yourself a lot). Quite a family, huh? I would skip the reunions for that one!

    That said, let’s talk about how mental illness affects us all.

    Depression & Anxiety Are Everywhere

    Mental illness impacts a stunning percentage of Americans. The respected John Hopkins Medicine has found that a whopping 9.5% of Americans have major depression, and 18% have anxiety disorders1.

    How does that translate? Well, picture this: more or less, If you are sitting in a restaurant with 10 people, one may not give a crap what’s on the menu and two may want to run away.

    Think About It

    Think about those statistics for a moment. Even if some of those percentages overlap–that is, if we assume some of the people who have anxiety also have depression–it still means a gigantic group of ordinary people is suffering from mental disease. At the time of this posting, the Population Clock put the U.S. population at 332,894,885 people. That means 31,625,014 Americans (9.5%) have depression. 31 million!

    That really puts a new light on going out in public, doesn’t it? Take a moment to look around: mothers, fathers, waiters, movie ticket-takers… everybody. Mental illness is all around us.

    Therefore, I want to address something very important, which presents problems for nearly all who suffer anxiety, depression, and other mental conditions.

    Break the Silence

    In American society, even though we have progressed greatly in recent years, we still do not discuss mental illness / emotional illness as openly as we should. There is still a significant stigma or reluctance to talk about depression, anxiety, and especially suicide. Because of that, many people suffer silently without help–sometimes for years, sometimes even for decades. (Trust me, I know exactly what I am talking about, here!)

    People suffering from mental illness may hide it out of shame, family pressure, or perhaps fear of social retribution. What I mean is, they are ashamed of being sick, or their families tell them not to say anything, or they’re afraid of being called crazy! Sometimes they might even be afraid of losing their homes or their jobs (with or without reasons).

    The point is, there are far too many people who do not seek out, accept, or receive the treatment they so desperately need for mental/emotional illness. We need to fix that, right away.

    We must change Society’s Stigma, Now!

    I survived my years of silence, to say this: Our social stigma, fear, and avoidance of treatment needs to change, right now. As a culture, we need to accept mental illness as the genuine disease it is. This illness is not “just in our heads.” It is not some random “craziness.” It is not some “passing strangeness” that will “just go away.” Mental illness is a real disease!

    As a society, we all need to foster open, healthy communication. What I mean is, we need to encourage everyone to talk about illnesses like anxiety and depression, without fear of being criticized, called crazy, or losing our jobs. Our society does not, at present, always offer that opportunity. People cannot discuss mental illness openly. Our neighbors still may criticize them, our family still may look down upon it as shameful, and our jobs–especially those with a government clearance–can still be threatened if mental illness is exposed. We need to change that, right now!

    No One Criticizes Diabetics

    To illustrate my point, I will use the case of diabetes. Everyone agrees diabetes is a real disease. With diabetes, in many cases, there are inadequate levels of the chemical “insulin” in the body. Therefore, the blood sugar becomes unregulated. Diabetes is a very serious condition which can lead to death. For those reasons, when diabetics show up at a pharmacy, no one criticizes them when they pick up the Metformin (or other medications) they need to balance their blood sugar. No one even bats an eye.

    By comparison, anxiety and depression are also serious diseases. In these conditions, there are also inadequate chemical levels in the body. Depression and anxiety are also serious conditions which can lead (indirectly) to death, by way of suicide.

    Why, then, should anyone care when depressed people pick up antidepressants to balance the chemicals in our brains? What is the difference?

    And yet, there is often a stigma with antidepressants. Some people criticize those who take antidepressants… as if that might be some sign of weakness, or something that the depressed/anxious people ought to overcome on our own.

    Oh yes, can we overcome it on our own? Well, does anyone expect diabetics to overcome high sugar levels on their own? NO. Of course not! That’s ridiculous.

    What is the issue, then? Because mental illness is the exact same situation.

    Depression/Anxiety = Real Disease!

    To clarify, let me explain: Depression and anxiety are caused by chemical imbalances in the brain. They are physical illnesses, just like diabetes. In fact, recent medical research has revealed that, as a result of brain chemicals reaching critical levels, most normal people become very sad, angry, hopeless, nervous, and/or scared. At the moment, ongoing research shows these brain chemicals are primarily “serotonin” and “norepinephrine.” (Don’t believe me? LOOK IT UP.)

    “Causes” of Depression and Anxiety

    Mind you, I am talking about normal people, here: average citizens. How do they get this way? There are many reasons. First, sometimes a tragedy can trigger an imbalance, like the loss of a loved one or home. Second, sometimes a trauma can do it, like getting robbed, or getting lost when you need to be somewhere important. Third, sometimes you might naturally inherit a “predisposition” toward having an imbalance. (That means your genetics makes you more likely to have natural, imbalanced levels for no particular reason.) Those are only three of many possible ways to “get” depression/anxiety. Remember, it is very common!

    Emotional and Long-Term Effects

    So, what happens when our brain chemicals reach these critical (usually low) levels? The emotions go haywire. Look at the list above: anger, fear, sadness, even hopelessness. This occurs at levels you can barely control, or not control at all. Over time, these emotions can build up. The emotional effects of the chemical imbalance in your brain can become a persistent condition which health professionals term “depression” and/or “anxiety.” Sometimes, that condition can resolve itself with time and/or counseling. Sometimes, however, it requires the additional assistance of medication.

    Mental Illness is a Disease

    So you see, this process is very much like any other kind of disease that we, as humans, can experience. There is a measurable cause, usually in the form of a physical imbalance. Sometimes that cause resolves itself by natural processes, and sometimes it requires medical treatment. Either way, mental illness is just another kind of illness we can treat with medicine. It is not magic or hoodoo. It’s a disease.

    Grasp Reality

    My point is this: Our society MUST grasp that reality, as quickly as possible. I shall reiterate: Mental illness is a chemical imbalance in the brain. We no longer live in a place where demons cause depression, a woman’s wandering uterus creates “hysteria,” and Tourette’s is possession by the Devil. Welcome, World… meet Science.

    In conclusion, mental illness is a real, physical disease. Period. Let’s ditch the Dark Ages, and develop some real compassion for those who live with it.

    (Note: I moved the coping methods to their own category: COPING.)

    And remember… if things get too tough – Dial 988 and talk to an emergency crisis counselor!

    ♥ FloxMonster™

    FloxMonster™ ©2022 A.M.Coy - All Rights Reserved. You may not use this image.
    FloxMonster™ ©2022 A.M.Coy – All Rights Reserved. You may not use this image.

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  • Why Wait? Dial 988. Quick Help AND Triumph Over Suicide.

    Why Wait? Dial 988. Quick Help AND Triumph Over Suicide.

    You’ve heard of 911 for emergencies? Now there’s 988!
    It is available everywhere in the United States RIGHT NOW! So Let’s Prevent Suicide and Help Mental Illness!


    New Crisis Hotline: 988

    As of Saturday, 16 June 2022, anyone in the U.S. can call or text 988 for immediate emotional help. Whereas before, you had to call 1-800-273-8255, you can now reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by dialing 9-8-8 on your phone.

    In fact, this same Lifeline has provided dependable suicide prevention counseling since January 1, 20051. They now offer emergency support for most emotional and mental crises, including (but not limited to) panic attacks, anxiety, depression, grief, and of course suicidal thoughts.

    For more information about the new number, here is a link to the official site: The Lifeline and 988.

    (By the way, you can still call their old number if you wish. It will stay open in addition to 988.)

    Spread Awareness – Prevent Suicide

    "Why Wait? Dail 988" by A.M. Coy. Call anywhere in the U.S. for 24/7 Crisis Counseling You can use this image freely; do not sell.
    “Why Wait? Dail 988” by A.M. Coy. Logo with blue head in a circle with pink heart-shaped brain. Call anywhere in the U.S. for 24/7 Crisis Counseling You can use this image freely; do not sell.

    In order to spread awareness of the new 988 number, I am hereby releasing the above image under the Creative Commons license CC BY-NC-SA 4.0.

    License: Creative Commons — Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International — CC BY-NC-SA 4.0. Terms summary: you may use the image so long as you: A.) Give me credit as creator, and B.) Do not sell it or products made with it. Also, you may make derivative works from it, so long as you release those under the same terms. (According to the Creative Commons rules, you must also provide a link back to their license terms.)

    This is less restrictive than my usual website license. Please spread the image, the new number, and the importance of mental health!

    For more, please see my entry:
    Here’s the Truth About Depression/Anxiety: Real Diseases!

    And remember… if things get too tough – Dial 988 and talk to an emergency crisis counselor!

    ♥ FloxMonster™

    FloxMonster™ ©2022 A.M.Coy - All Rights Reserved. You may not use this image.
    FloxMonster™ ©2022 A.M.Coy – All Rights Reserved. You may not use this image.

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