This is my “thesis” about how some people turned out clever and others… not so much. It takes us back in time to the dawn of civilization, when the animals that eventually became humans lived high up the canopy of trees. It appeared on Substack in March 2026.
~FloxMonster™, July 19, 2026
I am exasperated by the fuckery that is mankind: tribes hooting at each other in territorial displays, lobbing bombs at each other like great clods of poo. Honestly? Is this how humankind is to be remembered? A million years of evolution and we’ve progressed not an inch from the treetops.
True, there are some who seem a bit more evolved: reasonable types willing to consider others’ point-of-view. Those who show kindness to others, give to the needy, or appreciate art. So where did they come from? And how did we become a species with such thoughtful responses and idiotic behavior?
I have a theory.
Proto-Humans in Antiquity
In the most ancient of times, proto-humans lived in trees. They were small humanoid creatures with opposable thumbs on their hands and feet, similar to chimpanzees. They almost certainly lived in tribes, eating fruit and nuts from the canopy.
Then something drastic happened. Probably climate change. It became a point of survival to venture out of the trees to the ground.
Some proto-humans descended from the canopy to spend more and more time on the ground. They developed stronger gluteal muscles and stood upright. This enabled them to carry things with their arms. This gave them height advantage over their kin. And eventually, it gave them the ability to fashion longer, heavier tools. Weapons. They no longer had to throw poo or little rocks–they could throw spears.
Now. These descended proto-humans were able to use their tools and ground-based navigation to acquire meat. Meat is protein, and protein allows the development of bigger brains. I’m not sure which came first, or if it were an Ouroboros situation, one feeding the other endlessly–but whatever the case, these descended proto-humans ate the meat, and their brains developed, and they were able to get more meat, and their brains developed more and more.
Most of the above is pretty standard human development theory.
Not Everyone Descended
Here’s my unique take on it: not all of the proto-humans descended. There were still cousins up in the trees. Did they get totally left behind? Did the descended humans give them the middle finger and just wander off?
… Probably not. They probably went back, at least the first couple generations, and interbred with the non-descended relatives. Which means the non-descended individuals, those which stayed behind and kept the non-exploratory, poo-throwing behavior, passed their genes into what eventually became Homo sapiens.
And that is why there are two kinds of human in the world: the descended kind, and the tree-screaming, poo-throwing kind.
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